Insecurity with vulnerability

Written March 24, 2012 and just getting the "guts" to post:
The last few years have been the most difficult years of my life. The challenges I have faced are helping me to learn more about myself and who I want to be. The most important part for me of these last couple years has been the way that Jesus is using this time to speak to me and help me to be broken and have no choice but to rely on Him instead of those around me. Everyone around me could leave me or hurt me, HE is the constant. My husband or my children could die tomorrow but He will be there, He will take care of me. He will always be there for me, holding my hand, and loving me unconditionally like no person can. If I don’t have Him, what do I have?


“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13

When I am feeling insecure and not valuable, God speaks to me. He tells me, “Trust me. Be confident in Me. I love you. I will take care of you. I want you.” I want to feel secure in Him regardless of how someone may be treating me, regardless of who has left me, regardless of my circumstances. He loves me and believes that I am beautiful- flaws, mistakes, and all. If I make a mistake, as I often do, he takes my hand and leads me in the right direction- the best direction- His direction. I want to follow His will, His Word. I don’t want to make up my own plan and follow my own ideas, I want to follow HIM.

So the other day, thinking about all this, I sat down to try to have some quiet time with Him. I sat down to read my “Jesus Calling” devotional along with its Bible verses and the first line says, “This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control…” Wow, thank you Jesus for speaking to me so clearly, so directly. Thank you for helping to direct me… towards you. Thank you for telling me to let go and know that YOU are in control. It is much more difficult to live life when I think that I am in control. If I am in control, I’m in trouble!!

I have been insecure for many years but I hope to draw closer to Christ and know, to the core of my being, that He loves me for who I am. I want to get beyond the doubts of this world and believe without a doubt that He loves me where I am at. He helps me to become the woman that HE wants me to become… for His glory.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139: 13-14